Dr. Doom Has to Be a Girl…

I just want to start this off by saying, “Don’t be that guy.” As a nice guy myself, I have fallen pray to the creature that is “woman”. Having extensive experience in this field, I feel it is my duty, nay, my privilege to give you a little bit of advice on the matter. I could sit here and tell you that I’m thankful for the experience and the knowledge that it brings. But you know what? Just about every moment I had interacting with women has sucked. Gundams have never treated me unkindly though. Hmm…

How do you know if you’re a “Nice Guy”?

Do you make yourself readily available? Are you always there when she needs you? I’m talking rain, sleet, or shine. Can she reach you four in the afternoon or two in the morning? If she is able to get a hold of you at any time, there is a problem. You’ve let her know that not only are you dependable but also she is your priority. This is almost like inadvertently selling yourself into slavery. Good job!
Are you a dump site? Do your “talks” almost always stray toward her or what she wants to talk about? If you spend more time listening her complain you’re just being used so she can vent. Most likely, all of her friends have grown tired of her incessant bitching about the same stupid issues and refuse to listen to her anymore. Mostly likely, your conversations will start with her innocently asking about day. This is merely a segue for you to inquire about her day. If you will, notice that she never does any more than ask about your day. She never actually asks for details or even comments. You might also hear things like, “My boyfriend is being so mean.” “My parents are such pains in the ass.” “I need a new job.” She is talking to you because she has exhausted every other avenue in her life. Not because she values your friendship or your opinion.
Does she talk to you, but when she does, she only wants to ask you questions about your friend? That, my friend, makes you the grenade. You’re merely a stepping stone to what she really wants. Have you ever gone out with a buddy as a wing man? Of course you have. Well, the chick he was interested in had a not-so-attractive friend (aka grenade) that you were supposed to take on so he could be with the hot chick. You’re the grenade buddy. She is using you for recon on your friend, getting on his good side by being your “friend”, and as soon as she gets what she wants you will never see her again. The worst part is that you will never see your best friend again either.
Does she only want to see you when something is not going her way? She only wants to see you when she isn’t getting attention from someone else. You’re a safe bet. She knows you will put up with her no matter what she does to you. If her boyfriend is treating her poorly, she won’t leave him. Rather than address the problem she seeks the attention he isn’t getting from him in you.
Things only get physical or near physical when you start to get tired of being used? Do you notice that things only get slightly intimate when she wants something or you’ve reached the end of your rope? She is using sex, or the prospect of sex, to keep you interested and, in turn, keep you around to be of use. Sex is a hell of a weapon kryptonite hasn’t got shit on.
Do your other female friends hate her guts? I’m not talking about the normal, “I hate her because she might be prettier/is clearly more attractive than me.” Its more of the, “She’s the Devil. Why do you let her treat you that way? I will kill her if we’re ever alone.” kind of hate. Women have a better sense for this kind of thing then we do. We, as men, have almost zero capacity for detecting the subtle differences between deception and pure unadulterated callousness. Go figure…

How to Stop being used as a “Nice Guy”

You first have to hate her. Yeah, that’s right. Hate her. You have to knock her off of that goddess like pedestal you’ve spent so much time putting her on. Then and only then, will you be able to get out from under that spell you’ve been under, telling you that she is the greatest woman on the planet because she’s not. Wonder Woman is.
Don’t make yourself readily available. She depends on you for just that reason; you’re dependable. As soon as you stop making yourself accessible at all hours she will start seeking someone else to replace you. If she calls you because she needs a ride from the airport at 2 AM, ask yourself. “Why is she calling me instead of her boyfriend?” The answer is actually very simple. He either refused to or she told him she had a ride lined up (your ass) and to get his rest. Plainly put, you’re a readily available resource. You just have to remember her needs are second to your inconvenience.
Realize its never going to happen. She is never going to wake up one morning, having thus decided that you’re better than her douche bag boyfriend, and fall into your arms. Not gonna happen. Sorry to break it to you my friend. After she has knocked on your door at 2 AM, to cry on your shoulder after her boyfriend mistreated her, she is going to leave your place and go right back to him. There is nothing you can do and no matter how you feel about her or her situation, its what she wants. You can’t save a drowning man if they’re dragging you down too.
Don’t allow her friends to sandbag you. When you stop allowing yourself to be used she will start feeling alienated and, of course, will tell one or all of her girlfriends what’s going on. Now, there are two types of these friends you will encounter. The first friend you meet will be the unsuspecting friend. He, or she, will have no idea how you’ve been mistreated. You will be interrogated as though you were the antagonist and made to feel like you were the one at fault. The second friend will know, without a doubt, exactly what said girl has done to you. Her only purpose will be to guilt you into resuming your role as the nice guy. Your hardest task will be not falling prey to your own nice guy instinct to give her the benefit of doubt and getting back into your subservient role. Just keep this piece of logic in mind: She loses no sleep over using or disposing you. You are a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less.
Be as blunt as a spoon. I know as nice guys its going to be really, really hard for you but you have got to be blunt. But you have to tell her exactly what’s on your mind. Tell her why you’re not around anymore and why you seem to avoiding her. She will of course deny any wrong doing on her part but just watch how things change when you put it to her that you will only settle for being her boyfriend not a stand-in. Whatever she says, this will be what she means. “Oh, I’ve known you like me from the start but just assumed your shy and generous nature would keep you doing things for me and this awkward conversation from ever happening.”
In short, the sooner you realize that you’re expendable the easier it will be to see things for what they are. You’re a nice guy and you deserve not to have your good nature exploited. At the expense of sounding preachy, go out and break something my friends. I mean hearts, not property and stuff. Cause I don’t want to go to jail. I’m far too pretty for jail. Thank you!